on being lucky
September 4, 2022 Leave a comment
ON BEING LUCKY
I once consulted a Chinese woman acupuncturist. After seeing her for several sessions she told me that when she first saw me, she thought, Here comes Good Luck Woman. She was not a flattering sort of woman and had made several interesting comments already, so I was intrigued and asked her how she could tell. The way your head sit on shoulders, the way you look out of eyes, how your feet hit the ground. So I just agreed with her. I have always felt myself to be a lucky woman.
I was fortunate enough to be accounted beautiful and to have been regarded as clever. I do not say these things boastfully for they are in no way deserved by me or any similar endowed woman. They are a birth gift, entirely undeserved. The holder of these wonderful gifts almost always takes them for granted and does not consider what an undeserved advantage she has in life. She is always assured of attention. Not for her the sorrow of seeing an attractive man being completely unware of her existence while he pays court to some pretty bimbo not worth a tenth of her plainer sister.
Beauty is a gift that bites its holder however, for it goes, Is going to be beauiful one day, becoming beautiful, beautiful, still beautiful, was once beautiful. I am in the latter category now that age and ill heath have robbed my face of its one time beauty. Nobody looks at an old woman especially and you become just like every other woman. It’s a salutary lesson, and it would have bee better if you had learned it earlier in life. I find however that I do not mind. Other things become more important and you realise that beauty (and cleverness) are over-valued in our society.
I recently complimented two young women on their beauty. One was getting divorced, and I said to her, You are as beautiful as ever. The other I had not seen for a long time and i told her, I see you are still beautiful. They both accepted the compliments as I would have done, graciously, it is nice to be told, but it clearly it was no great novelty for them. They had heard this often enough before. Sometimes men would say to me Has anyone ever told you how beautiful you are, and I always felt like replying, No-one has ever noticed except you. (But I never did.)
I was fortunate in my husband, who has loved me during all our 46 years of marriage. One of the last remarks my father made me was on how he had enjoyed my beauty. My children are attentive and loving, and my friends are true and generous and helpful and loyal.
One of my children referred to the ‘sacrifice’ that I had made in being their mother. On reflection I realized she meant the career I might have had if I had not opted to look after them. I made no sacrifice. I never wanted a career. I wanted space and rime to think and write, and to be obliged to obey no orders, and I was fortunate to have a husband who enjoyed having this kind of wife and did not pressure me to work and earn money.
I wanted children of both sexes and I was lucky enough to have three. all healthy, which I think every woman appreciates as the great gift that it is.
I wanted to travel and see the world, and again I was lucky that my husband saw in the beginnings of my illness that I would not always be able to travel so freely, so he crammed a lifetime of travelling into a decade or so when I was able to do it, and in modest comfort too.
Now we come to whether other people would still regard me as lucky. I have a degenerative illness which is likely to get worse. I have been able to slow down its progress but it is inexorable and is getting more difficult to live with. I am in continual pain and very restricted in what I can physically do.
One of the most difficult things with such a condition is seeing the grief that it causes to those who love you, which they cannot cure or alleviate. Sometimes they despair or become angry and frustrated and you have to help them to overcome these feelings. I think it must be easier to have the illness than to be the partner and watch its effect on someone you love.
But I did not ask why I had been so richly gifted with my good luck tokens, I just took them as my due. So why should I query the inclusion of a few negative conditions. If someone had said to me, you can have these gifts but they will be accompanied by pain and suffering, I would have taken them still. Plus we learn in adversity. Had I not had these diffciulties , I would have gone on being the rather arrogant and thoughtless of others young woman that I used to be. I am, though I says it as shouldn’t, much nicer now.
So my dear friends, please forgive my assumptions. I am one lucky woman, and I’m extremely grateful.